David Coats Blog

Now, I have to admit, I’m partial to playing a practical joke. It’s my kind of humour. But I have just been the butt of a particularly elaborate practical joke - with which i’m very impressed, but equally really shouldn’t blog about for dignity reasons - but what the hell. This blog has breached my self-dignity many a time in the past so here goes!

It all started about 4 months ago when Alex signed me up to Sarah Beeney’s ‘my single friend‘ dating site. I just went along with it (well you never know do you) and about once a month i’d get some munter add me to her favourites - which would give me a lunch time chuckle! Then - to my amazement on Thursday - a hot 25 year old from Brighton added me to her favourites! Obviously - I was pretty excited - but left a little confused as to what to do - pay £20 to contact her or just ignore the internet dating freak?

At about 5pm yesterday - I received this comment which solved my dilemma.

Now - my mistakes. First off - I should have been suspicious of the name Betty - what a stuuuupid name. I mean for goodness sake. My 80 year old great Aunt is called Betty. I’ve never met a 25 year old Betty in my life. I mean I’m sure there is an attractive 25 year Betty somewhere in the world, but it still sounds a little fishy. So with this in mind - I certainly should have noticed the s.wollox in the email address from which I received the comment.

But no - I didn’t put two and two together. I started drafting a reply:

Dear Betty,

Great to hear from you. How are you finding Brighton…….
Then - for some reason - I became suspicious - so - still keeping the fact I missed the obvious Betty Swollox email comparison - I checked the IP address of the person who sent me the comment - just to be on the safe side. True True geekiness! The IP address turned out to be a proxy server based in Texas in the US. Finally the penny dropped. The comment was not from Betty.

But….The thought hadn’t even dawned on me that Betty herself might be made up. I swiftly headed to the pub to interogate Alex - who collapsed at my first mention of a fake and told me the whole elaborate plot to humiliate me. The plan head been - arrange to meet me in the Firkin (as it has a balcony). Addam would film me getting ready, then they would all be waiting in the Firkin, on the balcony (filming), while I met a ‘big and beautiful’ from the lonely hearts column in the Friday-ad.

Thanks guys. Thanks a lot.

Jonny Lyttle put it a nice way. ‘Dave, you know what, for them to go to all that trouble shows they care about you. It shows they all like you.’ I like that. Guys - even though Betty isn’t real (I made her real in my pre-sleep dreams boys don’t you worry) - I can be safe in the knowledge that you all care about me!

I’m still gonna get you back though Mr Asigno - Oh yes!

So what do I do next? Now that i’m officially fit as f**k, i need a new challenge to retain my title and continue being the fitest asthmatic in the village! The London-Brighton cycle ride is of course on the list but what else? Triathlon maybe? Climbing Kilimanjaro definitely!

Here are the Brighton Half Marathon 2007 results (pdf). As you will see - I finished one thousand, five hundred and third out of three thousand two hundred or so - in the top half - and with a time of 1 hour 50 minutes and 13 seconds. I really can’t believe I did it - not only that I completed it, but that I completed it in such a cracking time. I’m paying for it today though - my right knee is almost unbendable!

The course took us from Maderia Drive, past the pavillion and St Peters Church toward London Road, back down through the Laines and the Lanes onto the sea front. Here, the course headed west toward Hove Lawns and the Lagoon - my usual run - turning back on itself Eastwards at Fatboy’s house back toward the Piers and the Marina.

I started off running pretty fast - not sprinting - but at a good pace. Running through town was fun - it was early and the race pack was huge. It was exhilarating running with so many others! By the time i’d reached the end of Hove lawns however - the 4 mile stage - I felt knackered. I wasn’t really in the frame of mind to be honest. I know that sounds strange, but all those people overtaking me coupled with the shame of daylight (I was bright pink) and the fact that Sean and Will had both overtaken me, sprinting off into the distance, made me feel a bit disheartened. I plugged away however, stopping only briefly for water at the half way stage.

As usual, it did start to get easier after 7 miles - the rythmical bobbing of my head now feeling normal - the crowds of joggers dissapating to give me more room improving my mood. I reached the Pier, en route - so I thought - to the Marina, passing the Southern FM clock which read 1hr 10mins. By this time i’d completely lost track of the milage so spent the best part of Marine Parade’s uphill struggle trying to work out if that was a good or bad time - a welcome distraction.

Then came the pain barrier. I reached Dukes Mound expecting to carry on to the Marina, but the course veered back down onto Maderia Drive and toward the start/finish line! The way the course was laid out, it appeared that I had nearly finished. I knew this couldn’t be true! Of course - it wasn’t. The race carried on around some chicanes toward the finish line, but then away again, up the hill and along the cliff top above the marina - an impossible distance it felt.

I reached the far end of the marina, further than i’ve ever been before, where the course led down a steep concrete path to a shoreline walkway i didn’t even know existed! Now when I say steep - I mean steep steep. I just wanted to roll down it - every footstep feeling like someone firing a pneumatic drill against my feet, the pressure manifesting in my already shot knees. It was here I felt my right knee twinge, practically making me fall over. I stopped at the side to stretch but, knowing the finish line was close, and seeing the 12 mile marker post, I soldiered on, conscious of making my best time.

I reached Maderia Drive again and focussed hard on the white of the finish tent now in sight - the real finish line this time! At the 800m marker post everyone around me started sprinting. I checked my stopwatch - 1hr 47. I knew I’d done it in under 2hours! The relief was immense! I ditched any thoughts I had of sprinting and even contemplated walking to the finish line. I hobbled my way forward to the huge crowd of people cheering and clapping. Amoungst the noise I heard a group of girls calling my name - but I was too tired and focussed on the end to look - ignorantly pushing on. The shouts later turned out to be from Jane and Co (Thanks for cheering me on ladies and sorry we didn’t meet :-() At last it was over and I was knackered!

I met Sean and finally the others by the cold grey of the seafront, where we stood around exhausted but excited that we’d done it. The goodie bags were sweet - literally - free dried apricots, chocolate and an energy drink as well as tin foil body raps and of course our little medals! We hobbled to HaHa for lunch where I did what only true Englishmen can do after running 13.2miles - got absolutley shit faced! 8 pints or so later, at 7pm, I was home in bed nursing the mother of all headaches, my injured right knee and a blister the size of my little toe on the ball of my foot.

Would I do it again? Hmm. Yes. I think so. Would I do a whole Marathon? Probably not. But never say never ey!

So the thank you’s. First and foremost - thank you to everyone who has sponsored me. I really appreciate it - you’re all fantastic! A big thanks to Jess (congrats on your 1.57 time! wicked!), Caroline, Jay and all the other staff from the Otium Gym. It was your inspiration (and stupid treadmill competitons!) that got me into running and spurred me on to do this in the first place. Thanks also to Lottie for coming out training with me. Thanks to the Fratellis, Bloc Party, Razorlight, Arctic Monkeys, the Kooks, Hard-Fi, Kings of Leon and all the other bands who have kept me entertained on those long evenings! And Finally - thanks I guess to Rachel - for dumping me. If you hadn’t done that, i’d almost certainly still be the fat 13stone unfit bastard I was rapidly becoming and would never have dreamed of doing something like this!

If you haven’t already sponsored me, I’m raising money all year for the Amani Childrens Home, so you can of course post-race sponsor me here!

Some photos of David’s Half Marathon Run by the way!

My right knee is broken. Well, its not, but it certainly feels like it!

I can’t beleive i finished a half marathon today! What an achievement! Firstly, I want to say congrats to Lottie, Will and Sean for finishing it too. Wanna know my time?? Sponsor me here - once I’m over £200 i’ll let u know!

P.S. It was under 2 Hours!!!

I completed my final run last night before Sunday’s biggy - another 11 miler. I haven’t really got anything more to say on the matter except a big thank you to everyone who has already sponsored me - and if you haven’t done so yet - PLEASE SPONSOR ME HERE!

We arrived back yesterday at 2pm, tired but elated at just how good the holiday had been. On Saturday (the morning after the night before!) - we headed lazily up to Park Guell for more sight seeing. Park Guell is possibly the most beautiful park to which I have ever been! To get there, we travelled to Vallcarca metro station and walked - well got taken - up this massive hill to the park on a series of escalators in the street! Its always been a fantasy of mine - travelators in the street like in airports - but to actually see it is amazing! In the park, you walk up a futher hill to reach the central viewing point - a mound of bricks with 3 crosses on top. The views are simply stunning - the mediteranean and La Sagrada Familia to the left, big hills, castle and theme park to the right.

We continued around the park which is dedicated to Gaudi and yet more of his fascinating work. One of the centre-pieces of his work - a large Dragon snaking down the steps to his house and museum - had been vandilised and had its head chopped off a few days before - a huge controversy as I been led to believe by a spanish guy i’d met the night before. It really was a shame as it looked cool, but it wasn’t completely ruined and i’m sure can be fixed. We wondered around in awe to the underground caves with elegantly carved pillars all representing the natural world.

We all felt particularly rough so headed off to the beach to chill out and sooth the hangover with more beer! On the way we went up a large column which looks a bit like Nelson’s column in London. The experience was rather sickening as the thing had sloped floors and swayed wildly - making you feel like it could collapse any minute. It was here we decided not to go up any more high things - despite wanting to go up the huge cable car over the sea! That evening we chilled and experienced the inside of a few more bars and a spanish curry restaurant!

My birthday started with another day of doing the tourist thing - a trip to the Casa Batllo (pronounced bat-yu Jon!) - another incredible Gaudi designed building. Our hostel was in the perfect location - sandwiched between the Casa Batllo on Passiage de Gracia and La Ramba de Catalunya. I’ll let the pictures do the talking about the Casa Batllo - needless to say the guy is a genius. We couldn’t help thinking though - If we were given endless money and the run to do what we wanted - and copious amounts of Marajuna - Jon, Dan and I reckon we could design something similar!

After more drinks we headed out to the Camp Nou once more for the finale of our holiday - FC Barcelona vs Racing. Fantastic experience - Ronaldinho scored twice. Valdes saved a Racing penalty. The English sang loudest and we all took part in a metal mexican wave which went twice around the stadium! We rounded off the holiday with Tapas in 2 restaurants and drinks until about 3 before our 7am wake up call and the flight home.

So I’m back with mixed feelings. I loved Barca so much - I really want to go travelling or just live somewhere warm and different. I’ve returned to a new world however. I’m not going to comment on this myself - but needless to say it will change my life over the next few years. I now work for one of the largest search marketing agencies in THE WORLD!! The opportunities for paid travel are possibly endless! Its so exciting but with a mixture anxiety - I want it all now - I want to just travel europe or the world and learn new languages now! My time will come though - anxious/impatient/excitement? No emoticons for those so i’ll just use thoughtful!