David Coats Blog

I can’t believe how i’m feeling this morning. Fine!

Last night I did 11 miles - 17.7 Kilometers! Thats 2 miles short of the half marathon. My time - 1 hour 42 minutes. Now i’m asking myself - can I complete it in under 2 hours?!

I spent a large part of the run last night naming my courses. Thus far I’ve got:

• Meet the Fatboy - 9K - ‘hey what you doing tonight?’ - ‘meeting the fatboy’
• Fatboy’s old lady - 10K - He will be buried here - with Brighton’s old lady
• Fatboy Fallen Fatboy - 11 miles - With double the old lady!
• The Noble Fatboy - 8 miles - ‘Amusing’ Northern owners - get it?
• The Concrete Lagoon - 17K - I got bored of the fatboy related names.

Anyway - last night the fatboy fell over. 11miles. Can’t believe it!

By the way - children stop reading now - Paula Radcliffe - I shall NEVER take the mickey out of your street poo incident again. EVER. I fully understand why you did it and very nearly experienced the humiliation for myself (except obviously not in front of millions of people on TV!!)

20 minutes into this evening I felt the colonic pressure.
By the time i’d reached the toilets on Hove lawns for the second time I was bursting - but thanks to Lucy’s story of the ‘cottaging’ which takes place at those particular toilets - I decided to push through and swiftly jogged past. By the time I’d reached them for the third time - and decided enough was enough - it was too late; they were locked. By now the pain was unbearable. I just had to sh*t! I even found a jumper to ‘wipe with’ hanging on the railings of the childrens play park by the West Peir, but just couldn’t bring myself to pick it up. I thought of some poor fooker having to clear up my poo from the street corner, or someone sitting on my poo-covered pebbles, so I soldiered on. Lets just say it was a big relief to finally get home. Maybe thats why my time was so good?!

So why am I telling you this? Well obviously - I want you to all understand the pain I am going through to raise money for orphaned African children I have never met.

Please sponsor me!

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