David Coats Blog

Now, I have to admit, I’m partial to playing a practical joke. It’s my kind of humour. But I have just been the butt of a particularly elaborate practical joke - with which i’m very impressed, but equally really shouldn’t blog about for dignity reasons - but what the hell. This blog has breached my self-dignity many a time in the past so here goes!

It all started about 4 months ago when Alex signed me up to Sarah Beeney’s ‘my single friend‘ dating site. I just went along with it (well you never know do you) and about once a month i’d get some munter add me to her favourites - which would give me a lunch time chuckle! Then - to my amazement on Thursday - a hot 25 year old from Brighton added me to her favourites! Obviously - I was pretty excited - but left a little confused as to what to do - pay £20 to contact her or just ignore the internet dating freak?

At about 5pm yesterday - I received this comment which solved my dilemma.

Now - my mistakes. First off - I should have been suspicious of the name Betty - what a stuuuupid name. I mean for goodness sake. My 80 year old great Aunt is called Betty. I’ve never met a 25 year old Betty in my life. I mean I’m sure there is an attractive 25 year Betty somewhere in the world, but it still sounds a little fishy. So with this in mind - I certainly should have noticed the s.wollox in the email address from which I received the comment.

But no - I didn’t put two and two together. I started drafting a reply:

Dear Betty,

Great to hear from you. How are you finding Brighton…….
Then - for some reason - I became suspicious - so - still keeping the fact I missed the obvious Betty Swollox email comparison - I checked the IP address of the person who sent me the comment - just to be on the safe side. True True geekiness! The IP address turned out to be a proxy server based in Texas in the US. Finally the penny dropped. The comment was not from Betty.

But….The thought hadn’t even dawned on me that Betty herself might be made up. I swiftly headed to the pub to interogate Alex - who collapsed at my first mention of a fake and told me the whole elaborate plot to humiliate me. The plan head been - arrange to meet me in the Firkin (as it has a balcony). Addam would film me getting ready, then they would all be waiting in the Firkin, on the balcony (filming), while I met a ‘big and beautiful’ from the lonely hearts column in the Friday-ad.

Thanks guys. Thanks a lot.

Jonny Lyttle put it a nice way. ‘Dave, you know what, for them to go to all that trouble shows they care about you. It shows they all like you.’ I like that. Guys - even though Betty isn’t real (I made her real in my pre-sleep dreams boys don’t you worry) - I can be safe in the knowledge that you all care about me!

I’m still gonna get you back though Mr Asigno - Oh yes!

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