I have a broken wrist.

UNBELIEVABLE!

I have been walking around for a week with no cast or protection, in considerable pain, washing windows, bowling, dancing with women in nightclubs and generally not taking it easy - all because the French doc say ‘yor riss - zear ees no frac-tyer’. I even ask ‘what is this white kinky line across the Radius in the x-ray - very similar in looks to last years fracture?’ French doc say ‘zat ees - err - ow you sai - strezz lyne from poogch! (hits bent wrist with palm of other hand) - eem-pact. Nuh-zing to wurrie about’. Lie-ger-ment dameje ownlie’. Stress line my arse.

In Frenchies favour though, the surgeon at the Royal Sussex County said it was a very subtle fracture of the Radius - and he could understand why it wasn’t picked up. I was a little rude to the hospital staff if I’m honest - for which I do apologise. I was highly frustrated at the thought of wearing a smelly cast for 4 more weeks, so complained bitterly. I wore my most moody face in the plaster room and huffed & puffed a lot. At least I was well prepared for the 3 hour wait and queued patiently - which was more than can be said of the great unwashed waiting alongside me. I sat momentarily without headphones, listening to the whinging of small minded people about the ‘unacceptable’ wait. ‘This wouldn’t happen in business’ ‘we’re treated like cattle stuffed in here’ ‘You don’t get treated like this on the continent’ GET A LIFE.

So - A smelly, clumpy cast, on dominant right hand is mine for a month. Great. I am going to become a calcium freak and drink at least a pint of milk a day now lest I ever break another bone again!

As I kind-of mentioned above, Jon, Adz and I went to Indie Night at The Arc on Saturday where there was easily a 3 to 1 ratio of women to men. Brilliant! I danced, albeit limp wristedly, with the hottest and most pissed girl I have met in a very long time. She introduced herself by saying ‘Can I dance with you before you and your mates are celebrities?’ Most bizarre chat up line EVER! She really didn’t need to. Rebecca was exceptionally pretty, with crazy hair and gorgeous mannerisms - even though she could barely stand up. I can’t help thinking; had she been slightly less inebriated or had Jonny ‘Wing man’ Stewart mopped up the attention of her friend, I might have got to the swapping numbers stage. Ce La Vie. NO. NO FRENCH. I hate the French REMEMBER!

I’ve just gone to get my bike from outside the office to find someone has kicked my front wheel in. To be honest, I can’t believe its taken a year and a half for it to happen! Whats the point though ey? I mean, I’ve been responsible for the odd bit of anti-social behaviour in my life, but its always been for personal gain. What does someone gain from buckling a bike wheel? It wasn’t even locked. I would have been less annoyed if they’d just stolen it!

On top of that, I arrived home to a £608 gas bill sitting on my doorstep.

Not been the greatest of days I tell thee!

It all started last week when I received a water bill for £221 - in credit! I’ve been paying £30 too much each month for about 6 months, however - bastard Southern Water have decided they won’t pay me back - but just reduce my bills to £1 per month for a year! Great! They sit on my money while I pay interest on loans. No water bills to pay for a year though - shouldn’t complain about that - but of course - i’m British - So I do. Little did I know this was the good before the real bad!
On Friday, we realised NTL had disconnected our internet. Apparently, this was for non payment of bills, however I have a direct debit set up and have paid every bill! It turned out an old account was never closed and has been accruing debt for 3 months! Even though I can prove I have paid the bills, and it is their cock-up, the only way for me to get re-connected was to pay their demands and follow it up with customer services. So I had to pay NT Hell’s £75 bill and will seek it back. Mark my words!
Then - after forgetting to take my Mobile Phone charger to Southampton at the weekend, I tried to charge the thing on Sunday night, only to find on Monday morning, when I unplugged it, that the keypad lights won’t turn off. As a result, by about 8pm each night the battery’s flat again. Typically, I cancelled my Mobile Phone Insurance last month and still have 7 months of contract left. Looks like i’ll have to start using a 1999 Nokia Brick again.

THEN - yesterday - to cap it all - the power went off in the office - right in the middle of a really important email. The power stayed off for about 20 hours leaving me unable to work. Great you might be thinking - NO - NOT GREAT! I’m now going to have to stay late every night to catch up and missed an important meeting this morning. RAA

So - the result. No internet for a week. No mobile possibly for the foreseeable future. Backlog of work and £220 out of pocket. JUST DANDY!
Winge over. I promise the next post will be full of love and happiness!